A Kink in the Plans/A Kick in the Pants

I've talked shit about Paducah in the past. While the city has its pitfalls and problems, at least the Art (all inclusive) scene is doing something out there in Podunk, whereas Owensboro is fucking dead. There's the bar crowd scene but the music down there smells like cover bands. There's Friday After Five but it smells suspiciously like Downtown After Dinner - country and cover bands with unforgiving unwillingness to try anything new or fresh in the officially recognized cannon of the public.

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Owensboro is irritating the hell out of me at the moment. Alex & I scouted around O’boro all day Wednesday looking for somewhere to have a live music venue…no after no after fucking no all day long. You'd think it was a no convention at the idea of music.

The only place in town that did live shows was this one pizza joint that went under ‘cause the were hustlers and stopped selling pizza. Their hustle was making bands sell their own tickets to the show; whoever sold the most got to play last, whoever sold the least got to play first. That’s fuckin’ shady, if you ask me.

We checked that building and its price to rent/buy and they’re still trying to hustle at the game. The amount of money they want to buy the building is stupidly high for its location - off of the main drag, the building is run down, it doesn’t even have the kitchen equipment in it anymore - and the rent is worse to the point of not being able to break even without hustling with a shade, too.

After a scout of the internet, a building on Triplet and 7th turned into a possibility - it’s in a shitty part of town, the building looks run down as hell, the windows even have bars on them! Sounded like a perfect idea, right? It’s interior was a peach ugly straight from the 80’s. The archways to the back - which tells me the building was built in the 50’s - well, one was open completely, the other had a swinging bar style door blocking it from the back. The bars on the windows made me laugh at the idea of the bars keeping the music inside, opposed to the bars keeping people from getting in from the outside.

The owner said no ‘cause there was only one toilet (so?) and it wasn’t up to code (ok, yeah)…but he did tell us to go talk to the furniture store a little up the ways (9th and Bolivar). They’d be the people to talk to.

The furniture store owner wasn’t there - but his daughter was. Misty lead us straight to the back where a wrestling ring stood, surrounded by mattresses in shrink wrap and other assorted stock items. Her outlook was totally sunny, thought it was a great idea, and told us to come back the next day and talk to her father. She mentioned that her boyfriend and her father were wrestlers (bf=current; father=retired) and the shows were held there.

Her father looks like what would’ve happened to Hulk Hogan if he weren’t in the WWF and stayed small-time. Long white hair, bald on top, still with the wrestlers showmanship of a bark telling Alex & I “no, no, I can’t, the insurance won’t let me. There’s too much stock around to worry about” and a pear shaped body to match, Um, ok, is there a problem with vandalism/hooliganism in Owensboro? was my thought on the matter after seeing facial expression after facial expression of business/building owners at the idea of an all ages club. Billy the Former Wrestler turned furniture salesman said that we should talk to the owner of the Singer store down the street, he had a club off to the side and rented it out for weddings and receptions.

The Dallas Room loomed quietly. It smelled like the Brown Jewel from the look in the parking lot - most likely it had the Frank Sinatra décor on the inside. (see: Crown Jewel [06.27.09])

The owner of the Singer store also owns this Dallas Room. He said he was a musician, too, with a straight Elvis swagger and the hair to match. His reasoning is that he tried to have shows and rent out the room for them but there were just too many hooligans who would smoke cigarettes in the building and tear up furniture. “I’d rather have the seventy-five and over crowd.” Yeah, the only thing they’re going to break is a hip. wormed its way out of my mouth in a very Daria fashion. The Singer/Dallas Room Owner’s grew wide eyed and laughed honestly at the black humor joke. “Well, I hope not!”

Goddddddddddddddddddddddddd. Why does Owensboro have to be so damn lame about live music?

Persistence is the key, though, and that's the plan of the game.

There's so much work to do and not enough time to do it.